A New School Year—Some New Challenges
by Jacquie Jambor

Once again a new school year begins. This is the time of good news – children are excited to get back to school and be with their friends. It is also a time of bad news – the added expenses of new clothing for rapidly growing children as well as fees for their myriad of activities. Both seem to have grown unbelievably over the summer.

Once again it is a time for children to re-define themselves. Whether spoken or held silently, children are thinking…
…“This year I’m going to get better grades.”
…“This year I’m going to make new friends and be part of the ‘in’ group.”
…“This year I’m going to be the best dressed.”
…”This year I’m going to be the best soccer player on the team.”

As parents, it is important to remember that for youngsters every school year’s “new beginning” is overflowing with good intentions, and fraught with peril. Children feel older and strive for new independence and self-determination. And, this is as it should be. However, no matter their grade, they are still children. While some new responsibilities and decisions need to be allowed, many choices are beyond the child’s readiness. How, then, can parents encourage the child’s growing desire and ability to make decisions and choices, while still fulfilling their parental responsibility for the welfare of the child?

Although it seems children are constantly testing parents’ rules, a total lack of limits makes children feel insecure. The greatest favor parents can do for their children is to set clear, consistent, and reasonable expectations and guidelines. Choose the issues and rules on which there is no debate and then stick with them. However, remember that no parent can win ALL the battles, choose the ones that really matter. For instance, rules that protect the child’s health, morality, and physical safety are necessary and non-negotiable. On the other hand, allow for parent-child discussion on less critical issues.

Parents can help their children build decision-making skills. Take the time to talk with your children about the permission or freedom they seek. Help them to consider the following:
• Could this be harmful to my health?
• Am I wanting to do something wrong?
• Could this activity be unsafe or dangerous?
• What are some of the things that “could” happen to others or me if I do this?
• Does this involve risky behavior?
• Is there a compromise that could make this more acceptable to my parents?

It’s important that the parent-child conversation around these considerations not take on an adversarial tone. Try to help children see that as a parent you want only to help them discern what is best. Eventually, children will begin to ask themselves these questions even before they approach a parent for permission. And, each time a child is allowed to make a choice, the child’s confidence grows. It means a great deal to children to realize that their parents trust their ability to make good decisions.

For children, the privilege of decision-making needs to grow gradually. In the beginning they make less significant choices. As they mature, their decisions will take on more significance. And, inevitably they will find themselves in circumstances where they will have to make critical choices without a parent’s assistance. Hopefully, they will have been prepared well.

About the author: Jacquie Jambor had an extensive background in catechetical ministry as a teacher, catechist, adult educator and Director of Religious Education. After more than twenty-five years in parish ministry, she joined the team at RCL-Enterprises. For eight years, Jacquie served as Catechetical Advisor and National Consultant. Jacquie was a religion series author and published articles in the areas of religious education, family systems, and sacraments. As a national speaker and catechetical leader, Jacquie presented workshops, retreats, and key-note presentations for diocesan conferences and leadership programs across the country.